Peace in Divorce

There are conflicting views on God's commands regarding divorce and countless books

defending their positions on biblical interpretations of the contract we know as marriage.

It is neither my job nor my calling to enter this debate or weigh in on the sanctity of

marriage or the appropriateness of divorce.

What I am here to do and say is that I understand that being a Christian and going

through a divorce involves feelings of guilt and betrayal beyond that which may be

normal in any divorce. Furthermore, I am here to help bring peace, rather than

judgment to a difficult, and perhaps overwhelming, situation.

Fifteen years ago, when I began looking for a job as an attorney, I felt led to a family

law office. I remember struggling to reconcile my personal beliefs with this area of law.

I grew up with a firm belief that "God hates divorce." How then could I be a party to

ending the marriages of once happy couples, in what seemed counter to my beliefs.

Still, my feet were firmly planted.

What changed for me was my view of the role I played in this process. As I continued

to help couples and individuals, I began to see how God could use me to help families.

What frustrated me most about family law litigation was the destruction of families, not

just a marriage. Whether consciously or unconsciously, I saw parties filing declarations

to gain an advantage over their spouse, oblivious to how this would impact their children.

I saw children being pawns in their parents' chess match. I saw families torn apart. For

many parents, they felt like they had no choice but to defend themselves. There are,

in fact, many cases where a strong advocate is necessary to protect a party and uphold

the law. Many parents, however, wished they had another alternative to a litigious system.

When I learned about and began to train in mediation and collaborative law, I felt a new

sense of hope. In a mediation or collaborative setting, litigation is not allowed. The parties

agree that they WILL NOT FIGHT IN COURT. Instead, the parties agree to listen to one

another, respect one another and compromise. They agree to a peaceful process. Bringing

peace is what I hope to be able to do for the couples or individuals who hire me. Divorce is a

reality for many, and often times, unavoidable. In those instances, I am here to walk you and

your spouse through the process, with a commitment to protect your family so you can

co-exist and co-parent cooperatively.

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DENKER MEDIATION